Post by The Keeper on Dec 11, 2013 16:04:17 GMT
Cold, I feel so cold. Colder than the past few nights. Colder than I have ever felt.
My hair lays draped over my face shrouding most of my vision. I see the dirty snow around me growing darker with every moment. The faint glow of of the traffic lights seems to give the whole situation an almost festive feel. Memories of home flooded back to her mind. Stealing bites of food while Mom makes dinner, chasing my brother Henry around the house after I catch him listening to my phone calls, and my Dad tending to the fireplace in between tree decorations. The thought of that fire brings a feeling of warmth to my body. I savor the brief feeling. The corner of my mouth tugs a smile, then I shudder from the clammy cold of my body laying in the snow. In the same moment of my shudder I feel the rush of white hot pain and cry out. My hand shivers and moves to my stomach. I numbly feel around my abdomen, it feels wet. I drag my arm, heavily before my face. The traffic lights in their festive red, yellow, green illuminate a dark stain on my fingers.
I try to focus my mind. How did I end up here? What happened just before? Why am I bleeding? As Emily tried to focus her thoughts the world around her blurred and she felt nauseous. The vomited and nearly passed out again from the pain. But the agony brought clarity to her befuddled mind. She recalled a series of image in quick scenes.
Talking with a boy at school. Eric’s warm smile. My hand in his. A stolen kiss behind the school bleachers. Flower and a beautiful gown. The banner for the school dance. Eric in a tux smelling oddly of cologne. A paper bag wrapped around a bottle. Expectant looks, and worried glances watching for onlookers. My body feeling hot. The dark of my room. Hands on up and down my body. A sharp intake of breath.
The world seems to stutter and spin for a moment before I catch the track of memories again.
Heart pounding, eyes full of tears. A stick with a tiny malicious (+). Eric’s cold dismissal. A lump in my throat, sitting across from my parents. Mother’s tears, father’s anger. His forceful gesture, an extended arm pointing out the door. SLAM! Never had home felt so foreign. The streets of the suburbs made a steady transition to the streets of downtown. Model homes become the unfeeling and oppressive towers of steel and glass. My body is chilled by the wind and rain. Frantic and startled sleep. The panic that sets in from the flash of red and blue. Feeling my whole body ache with hunger. No longer feeling revulsion at foraging in dumpsters. A shadowed silhouette in the alley. A warm smile.
Chen says he will take care of me. He listens and holds me as I cry. He tells me that he understands my pain. But he can not support me and a child. I have to get rid of it. He promises me that I can have my life back if I just listen to him. I take the pills, the cramps are terrible. He lied. CHEN LIED TO ME! When I say no Chen looks at me like I must be out of my mind. I was shocked by the quick transformation from the kind Chen I met to the brutal Pimp I came to know. I had hardly start junior high and he had me on the streets. My legs spread, face pressed against brick walls, innocents flowing from me faster than it takes to blink.
Then it all stopped I remember earlier in the evening.
It was particularly cold, but it was that crisp biting cold the preceded a snow. It was almost magical to watch the snow begin to fall. I was almost lost, enchanted in the moment. But then the familiar clear of a throat. A "gentleman" caller had appeared. He wore a heavy coat and a ball cap pulled low. I could not make out his face. It was dark enough that he could not make out mine. I always felt better if my "clients" could not see me. As if that one act, that one disgrace did not could. He pointed towards a crook in the alley. I just move slowly and took my play. It did not take long, his body seemed heavy, and his smell was an odd mix. Alcohol and something, something else. Despite the short duration he took his money's worth. His movements were rough and uncaring. My scalp hurt due to his hair pulling, my face from him forcing me into the wall, and my rear from his repeated haphazard swipes. He tossed some money in the snow. The snow in the alley seemed to lack the same white purity of that falling. It had already been mixed with the grime. I thought I would not be able to find every bill and was a bit relieved to have a car's headlight illuminate the alley as it went around the corner. I loathed the thought of getting a beating because it was too dark to find the last dollar. In the fading headlight I to a glance at my "patron."
We met each other's gaze and took in the face of the other. It was not shame that filled me, but sheer and unequivocal fear. I saw the astonishment, fury, and revulsion of my father's eye cast down on me. He stumbled back for a moment in some half-hearted attempt to catch his spiraling world. I stood almost without really thinking. Tears had began to well up in my eyes. I dropped the money and took a step towards him arms open wide. "Daddy?"
I could not see his features. The dark of the alley, flare of the headlights, and tears in my eyes had taken my clarity of vision. I watched him make a simple motion to reach inside his jacket and remove something.
I am not sure if it was the bang or the flash of light that surprised me more. Either way it was only a surprise in my mind, as my body had no time to react. I felt a flash of pain in my stomach and fell to me knees. Holding my stomach I looked up at him only to see him burying his hands in his jacket and walking out of the alley. His back to me I slumped to my side and raise a feeble hand outstretched for him. I watched him walk to the curb and look both ways before crossing the street and disappearing forever.
All I could think as my world went dark was, "Remember Princess when you cross the street. Safety First."
My hair lays draped over my face shrouding most of my vision. I see the dirty snow around me growing darker with every moment. The faint glow of of the traffic lights seems to give the whole situation an almost festive feel. Memories of home flooded back to her mind. Stealing bites of food while Mom makes dinner, chasing my brother Henry around the house after I catch him listening to my phone calls, and my Dad tending to the fireplace in between tree decorations. The thought of that fire brings a feeling of warmth to my body. I savor the brief feeling. The corner of my mouth tugs a smile, then I shudder from the clammy cold of my body laying in the snow. In the same moment of my shudder I feel the rush of white hot pain and cry out. My hand shivers and moves to my stomach. I numbly feel around my abdomen, it feels wet. I drag my arm, heavily before my face. The traffic lights in their festive red, yellow, green illuminate a dark stain on my fingers.
I try to focus my mind. How did I end up here? What happened just before? Why am I bleeding? As Emily tried to focus her thoughts the world around her blurred and she felt nauseous. The vomited and nearly passed out again from the pain. But the agony brought clarity to her befuddled mind. She recalled a series of image in quick scenes.
Talking with a boy at school. Eric’s warm smile. My hand in his. A stolen kiss behind the school bleachers. Flower and a beautiful gown. The banner for the school dance. Eric in a tux smelling oddly of cologne. A paper bag wrapped around a bottle. Expectant looks, and worried glances watching for onlookers. My body feeling hot. The dark of my room. Hands on up and down my body. A sharp intake of breath.
The world seems to stutter and spin for a moment before I catch the track of memories again.
Heart pounding, eyes full of tears. A stick with a tiny malicious (+). Eric’s cold dismissal. A lump in my throat, sitting across from my parents. Mother’s tears, father’s anger. His forceful gesture, an extended arm pointing out the door. SLAM! Never had home felt so foreign. The streets of the suburbs made a steady transition to the streets of downtown. Model homes become the unfeeling and oppressive towers of steel and glass. My body is chilled by the wind and rain. Frantic and startled sleep. The panic that sets in from the flash of red and blue. Feeling my whole body ache with hunger. No longer feeling revulsion at foraging in dumpsters. A shadowed silhouette in the alley. A warm smile.
Chen says he will take care of me. He listens and holds me as I cry. He tells me that he understands my pain. But he can not support me and a child. I have to get rid of it. He promises me that I can have my life back if I just listen to him. I take the pills, the cramps are terrible. He lied. CHEN LIED TO ME! When I say no Chen looks at me like I must be out of my mind. I was shocked by the quick transformation from the kind Chen I met to the brutal Pimp I came to know. I had hardly start junior high and he had me on the streets. My legs spread, face pressed against brick walls, innocents flowing from me faster than it takes to blink.
Then it all stopped I remember earlier in the evening.
It was particularly cold, but it was that crisp biting cold the preceded a snow. It was almost magical to watch the snow begin to fall. I was almost lost, enchanted in the moment. But then the familiar clear of a throat. A "gentleman" caller had appeared. He wore a heavy coat and a ball cap pulled low. I could not make out his face. It was dark enough that he could not make out mine. I always felt better if my "clients" could not see me. As if that one act, that one disgrace did not could. He pointed towards a crook in the alley. I just move slowly and took my play. It did not take long, his body seemed heavy, and his smell was an odd mix. Alcohol and something, something else. Despite the short duration he took his money's worth. His movements were rough and uncaring. My scalp hurt due to his hair pulling, my face from him forcing me into the wall, and my rear from his repeated haphazard swipes. He tossed some money in the snow. The snow in the alley seemed to lack the same white purity of that falling. It had already been mixed with the grime. I thought I would not be able to find every bill and was a bit relieved to have a car's headlight illuminate the alley as it went around the corner. I loathed the thought of getting a beating because it was too dark to find the last dollar. In the fading headlight I to a glance at my "patron."
We met each other's gaze and took in the face of the other. It was not shame that filled me, but sheer and unequivocal fear. I saw the astonishment, fury, and revulsion of my father's eye cast down on me. He stumbled back for a moment in some half-hearted attempt to catch his spiraling world. I stood almost without really thinking. Tears had began to well up in my eyes. I dropped the money and took a step towards him arms open wide. "Daddy?"
I could not see his features. The dark of the alley, flare of the headlights, and tears in my eyes had taken my clarity of vision. I watched him make a simple motion to reach inside his jacket and remove something.
I am not sure if it was the bang or the flash of light that surprised me more. Either way it was only a surprise in my mind, as my body had no time to react. I felt a flash of pain in my stomach and fell to me knees. Holding my stomach I looked up at him only to see him burying his hands in his jacket and walking out of the alley. His back to me I slumped to my side and raise a feeble hand outstretched for him. I watched him walk to the curb and look both ways before crossing the street and disappearing forever.
All I could think as my world went dark was, "Remember Princess when you cross the street. Safety First."